Read the rest about G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra.

Yes, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra overcame incredibly bad buzz and horribly cheesy movie trailers to make $56.2 million in its opening weekend, the fourth-highest August opening ever. This amounts to a per-screen average of over $14,000.

I am floored. With everything that I have seen over the last eight months regarding this money, I was hoping – almost fanatically praying – that audiences would ignore the strong brand name and give it a $20 million opening or so. I thought it was going to be this year’s Speed Racer. But I fell into the trap movie buffs like me can fall into so easily: I took my personal opinions and extended them to expectations for the film’s box office performance. I ignored the fact that Paramount has been marketing this film relentlessly; that they were being very selective about who they screened the movie to; that this movie is, in fact, using one of the strongest toy and cartoon brands out there; and that people will go see mindless action films.

But, America… why?

The only dignity I can hold onto is that despite its fantastic opening, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra is rumored to have cost $200 million (with a lot more spent on marketing) and that it is highly unlikely the film well get to that level. The people who wants to see this movie saw it this weekend; and next weekend, it will plummet over 60%. But I’m no box office expert, so that’s just me hoping.

In other weekend box office news, Julie & Julia opened strong in second with $20.1 million, a pretty good take for a cutesy movie that didn’t seem to have  a very strong hook. Funny People plummeted to fifth with only $7.9 million, making this movie Judd Apatow’s first directorial failure. A Perfect Getaway, despite a 71% fresh rating from the Top Critics, opened in seventh with only $5.8 million – a poor release date and lack of promotion killed this one. Lastly, the excellent romantic film (500) Days of Summer broke into tenth place with $3.7 million against only 817 venues.

For the full list of box office winners and losers, visit the FilmJabber homepage or read Box Office Prophet’s analysis.

In the so-bad-you-almost-have-to-see-it category, G.I. Joe comes to theaters on August 7, and looks absolutely – and I mean absolutely – horrible. I’ve heard a few people say they think this movie looks OK, but if the movie trailer fooled you, how about this video clip that was first shown at the MTV Movie Awards:

This is embarassingly bad, even for Stephen Sommers.

G.I. Joe is from Stephen Sommers, the guy behind The Mummy as Paramount wants to make perfectly clear. Unfortunately, Sommers is also responsible for The Mummy Returns, which was horrific – and not in a good way. G.I. Joe looks more along the lines of the latter film, as it’s full of cheesy special effects, awkward action and crappy acting. It’s hard to tell whether this film will be a flop due to its massive brand awareness, but it could easily be this year’s Speed Racer.

Watch the new G.I. Joe movie trailer below and let me know whether you agree:

However, you do realize G.I. Joe is going to suck, right? And when I say “suck”, I mean you are going to want to stick a vacuum cleaner inside your own skull and suck whatever remnants of your brain you have left. It’s going to be that bad.

Yes, the G.I. Joe movie is being directed by Stephen Sommers. This is old news, but as more and more casting developments emerge (Channing Tatum as Duke, Arnold Vosloo as Zartan), I finally realized who was masterminding the film. Sommers isn’t Uwe Boll, of course, but in terms of influence, power and reach, he is much, much worse. Unlike Uwe Boll’s films, which are terrible beyond belief but generally make a few million dollars in sales before disappearing into the night, Stephen Sommers movies actually make a ton of money.

Still holding out hope? Let me remind you that Stephen Sommers directed The Mummy. Okay, that one wasn’t that bad, if you like mindless entertainment. But he also directed The Mummy Returns, which is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Disagree with me on that? Tell me you liked the ending, where Brenden Fraser escapes the sandstorm and the little monkey mummies via a crude airship that showed up out nowhere to unleash upon the audience some of the most terrible special effects of the modern blockbuster. Come on, tell me you liked that ending! (if you did, I shake my head in pity) Oh, and Stephen Sommers also directed Van Helsing, another disaster of an action film that also featured some pretty lousy special effects.

And they put this man in charge of G.I. Joe, one of your childhood favorites. I feel your pain, I really do, but yes, G.I. Joe is going to suck big time.