It was Christmas last week, though one wouldn’t know it. In Seattle, we had record, if not at least near-record snowfalls over the last week and a half, essentially crippling the roads with snow and ice that most Seattle drivers have no clue how to handle. Hell, two buses nearly slid off a 50-foot drop-off onto Interstate 5, and another one jumped the curb and landed in someone’s back yard. Some drivers are only now able to get out of their homes to do daily chores.

So, when FedEx and UPS were unable to deliver their packages for a few days, I understood, even though the biggest holiday of the year was fast approaching. I live partway up a steep hill, and needless to say not a lot of people were driving on the hill much while there was a foot of snow and ice on the roads. People were driving here and there – including myself – but FedEx and UPS have some pretty wieldly trucks that probably just barely squeeze between the parked cars on either side on a dry day. So I understand the delays.

What I don’t understand is why UPS still hasn’t f**king delivered my most expensive package that was sent from New Jersey on December 17th. On December 19th, it was sent out for delivery, but returned due to “adverse weather conditions.” That’s fine. December 19th was a nightmare. So was December 20th. December 21st… not so much. December 22nd, a little worse, but not that bad. December 23rd, almost clear. December 24th, certainly driveable. The road two blocks from me was plowed. December 25th, completely driveable, the snow all but gone. December 26th – no snow. December 27th – no snow. December 28th – no snow. December 29th – it’s f**king 45 degrees out.

So, UPS, where… the… f**k… is… my… f**king… package?

This is absurd. FedEx started delivering to us on December 23rd. USPS only missed a day or two of deliveries the entire snow storm. Yet UPS, for some reason, is unable to haul their brown vehicles anywhere near my place, when in fact there hasn’t been any snow on the ground for over four days. Yet it still says adverse weather conditions.

What’s worse… I called them on Friday orSaturday and asked how I could pick up my package. I know it’s sitting in the South Seattle UPS center, yet they tell me I am unable to retrieve it. So UPS is unwilling to deliver it and I am unable to get it… what the f**k?

As you can tell, I’m pissed off. I’m pretty sure the UPS driver assigned to my neighborhood decided he or she wanted an extra week off around the holidays. I’ve heard stories of a FedEx driver parking at the bottom of our hill and calling people, saying if they wanted their packages they could walk down and get them. That’s awesome. Yet UPS can’t drive on dry roads to deliver my big Christmas present for my dad? What the hell?

They’re doing the same thing to my parents in Redmond, though granted there is more snow over there. Still, it’s flatter and just as driveable. Do we have to pay a ransom?

UPDATE: I did, of course, receive my package  – on December 31st (and my parents’ on January 2nd). Shortly after posting this blog, however, I did receive an email from UPS public relations offering some assistance, and at the very least showing that they are out listening to customer concerns. As a marketing guy who is responsible for PR at my company (no, not FilmJabber), I give UPS props for being fast to get out on the Internet and quell mean blog posts such as mine. Here’s the response I received from UPS:

While we’re used to working in bad weather during the holidays, every storm is different. We were making the best judgment we could on when it was safe to put our drivers on certain roads. Our package volume is much greater than our competitors during the holidays, which means that delivery delays affect a larger number of people. It’s my understanding that deliveries and local services in Seattle varied by neighborhoods due to the weather and road conditions.

I also received a letter in the mail from UPS today apologizing for the delays. While it was a form letter, I still respect their marketing efforts to tackle the public relations aspect of the fiasco.

I’m a pretty diehard Seahawks fan, but with the way the season has turned out this year, I’m glad I only ended up going to three games this year. I went to their first win, against the St. Louis Rams, and then to a close loss against our arch rivals, the Arizona Cardinals. And I went to today’s game, a snow-filled event that had everything going to the Jets favor, including:

1. It’s icy and snowy. Seattle isn’t used to such weather, while the Jets – and Favre especially – are.
2. The Seahawks had nothing to play for.
3. The Jets, tied with the Pats and the Dolphins, had everything to play for.
4. The Seahawks just aren’t that good.

Who would have thought that the Hawks would have held the Jets – and more importantly, Bret Favre – to only three points? The Seahawks ended up winning 13-3 in what is easily our best game of the season – not high scoring, but a battle against the only playoff contention team that we can now say we beat.

Football aside, I’m amazed that as many people showed up to the stadium as they did. Qwest Field was relatively crowded, despite the fact that we’ve had our worst season in years and the snow has been coming down nonstop for a couple days now. And most of you in other parts of the country may not realize this, but Seattle really does not get much snow at all. So when we do, even when it’s only a couple inches, the people here freak out – or drive in a way that’s not kosher for driving on snow. On Wednesday, the day that the weathermen predicted we would be hit with a “huge snow storm,” there was no snow. Yet, the very thought of snow kept literally half of the people out of the city that day. When snow hit the next day, no one showed up. And with extremely low temperatures for the area, another element we’re not used to for prolonged periods, the Seattle area has just been a mess – and it doesn’t look like things are going to get much better over the next couple of days. I honestly can’t recall the last time I saw this much snow in Seattle, and more is coming.

With that, enjoy the week, and Happy Hannukah! I’m not Jewish, but it starts Monday.