There was the time when we sat in front of the family of obese individuals who liked to kick our seats while eating loudly and breathing even louder in a very arduous, uncomfortable way. Sad, but true. Or when the guy a few seats down from us started talking on his cell phone in the middle of the movie. Or tonight, where we had not one, not two, but three different sets of weird or annoying moviegoers.

The first bunch was innocent enough. Two guys sat down practically right in front of us, and as box office results for The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 suggest, the theater wasn’t exactly full. To make matters worse, one of the guys – the tallest guy, who had a clump of curly, oily hair – got up and then moved even more in front of us, forcing us to move down. Of course, that didn’t stop two other people – thankfully rather short people – from sitting down in front of us after the movie had started.

But everyone deals with people like this who are either unaware or just don’t care that it’s rude to sit right in front of someone else in a half-empty theater. However…

Things began to get weird when a big guy off to the side decided he wanted some candy… and no, not just any candy but his candy, the same candy that his girlfriend – whom he’d been fighting with before the movie started – allegedly had.

Twenty minutes into the film, we hear, “I want my candy.” Not a shout, but not a whisper. A few moments pass, and we get another, “I want my candy!” This time, much longer. After a couple more rather loud demands… er, requests… he apparently got his candy, because he shut up. The man later stripped down to a wife beater that was much too small for him. Apparently that candy made him sweaty.

On the other side of the theater, however, was where the golden gem of the evening was sitting. A man, probably in his fifties with white hair and slightly overweight, had bad circulation. At least, that’s what I can assume. Because every five minutes or so, he had to rub his hands together. Hard and fast, like he was warming them up. This hand rubbing – which was distinctly loud and heard all the way across the theater by everyone (even during the action scenes) – lasted for about 20 seconds and varied in velocity and intensity. Maybe he just liked the feel of his own skin.

Though rubbing of the hands is innocent enough, the man’s timing and dedication to such a habit makes him one of the weirdest people I’ve had the pleasure of watching the movie with. Even though there’s little comedy in The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, he had Tom and I – as well as several other people in the audience – cracking up at the absurdity of it all. Who does that in a public place, repeatedly and oblivious to those around you?

What are your weird moviegoing stories?

Here are the movies you should see:

• Atonement
  The best movie of 2007 so far, though I’m still holding out hope for There Will Be Blood…
• Juno
  Funny and oddly powerful, this will have females going “awwwww…” (seriously, there were several) and guys cracking up. Also has a potential Oscar winner starlet in the form of Ellen Page.
• No Country for Old Men
  Still one of the front runners for Best Picture of the Year. An awesome thriller, even if the ending stumbles a bit…
• I Am Legend
  If you want mindless entertainment, go see this one. Some people haven’t liked it, but it’s a tense thriller, at least until the final act. Will Smith is also great in it.
• American Gangster
  This one is still playing in many theaters, and while it doesn’t blow one away, it’s still quite good.
• Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead
  Impress people by seeing movie slightly off the beaten path. Luckily, it’s still a pretty slick crime drama.
• The Golden Compass
  It is a bit rushed and could have benefited from a better director, but if you don’t mind anti-Christian themes, The Golden Compass is a lot better than what critics give it credit for.
• National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets
  I can’t believe I’m putting this one on my list, but despite the fact that it sometimes doesn’t make much sense or isn’t even slightly plausible, going in with low expectations meant that I actually found this one pleasingly entertaining.

Movies I haven’t seen but plan to shortly (because I hear they’re good)

• Charlie Wilson’s War
• The Great Debaters
• The Kite Runner
• The Savages
• Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Movies to avoid at all cost

• Sweeney Todd
  Yeah, this one just sucked. I like musicals, but no one told me that Sweeney Todd was going to be a boring movie with some of the worst music I’ve ever heard in my life.
• Fred Claus
  I didn’t see this movie, but it just looked bad.