Roland Emmerich. A God among men. This guy is single-handedly responsible for obliterating the world ten times over, and his magnum opus, the destruction film to end all destruction films, 2012, opens this Friday. In 2012, this creature of the universe hits humanity and the poor earth that he hates so much with just about everything the Lord has to offer, from tidal waves that engulf the Himalayas (that poor, poor monk ringing the bell) to meteor showers (drive, John Cusack, drive!) and earthquakes that open up into the pits of Hell itself. (more…)

I love a good movie as much as the next person. In fact, my favorite hobby hinges on the fact that there are good movies out there. But, as a self-proclaimed critic, the best movies for writing reviews are the bad ones. What can one say about Schindler’s List without going into a fluffy tirade of prose about how good it is, when the reader, for the most part, just wants to hear, “This movie rocks?” No, it’s the bad movies where the real meat is, where the reviewer can unlock his deepest, pent-up aggressions toward sloppy filmmaking and unleash, narrowing in on the direct causes that contributed to a picture’s downfall.

And in 2008, just like any year, there were a fair amount of movies that allowed me to play mean. At the same time, 2008 marks a continuing improvement on my part to avoid the movies I know are bad. One summer, way back when I was in high school, I went and saw just about every movie that came out – in theaters, no less – even if I knew they were going to be horrible. I was obsessed. I even backtracked to 1995 to see just about anything that had been released, just so that my database could be complete. When I could have been watching the classics of the century, I was instead watching some crappy movie from ‘97 that I knew was going to be bad.

One should not pay too close attention to reviews, because everyone has their own tastes and the more movies a critic watches, the more cynical he or she becomes. Nevertheless, there are movies that you don’t need a critic to tell you that they’re going to suck. And those are the movies I’m starting to weed out of my obsession, so I can focus on other important things, like my day job, friends, family and perhaps finding a girlfriend one of these days. (more…)

“Worst movies of XXXX” are always hard to do because, naturally, one tends to avoid the really crappy movies. But for someone like me, who does tend to watch more movies than anyone should in their right mind, a few bad movies slip through… sometimes by surprise (Son of Rambow), and sometimes out of utter curiosity (The Love Guru). So, as best as I can gather from personal experience, here are the worst comedies of 2008:

1. The Love Guru
   There’s no real question as to which movie would top this list. Mike Myer’s attempt at humor was just as unfunny as the previews suggested. The movie is offensive on many levels and the screenplay is as bad as it gets. Mike Myers himself is downright terrible, using silly accents to no effect other than to show that he should never fake an accent ever again. Don’t make my mistake and watch this out of curiosity – it really is that bad.
2. College Road Trip
   I’ve never liked Martin Lawrence, but put him in a G-rated Disney film called College Road Trip and you’re asking for trouble. This road trip film features equally bad performances by Lawrence and co-star Raven-Symoné, but the screenplay and story is embarassing. (more…)