But does anyone think that 2012 is going to be Roland Emmerich’s best movie? I doubt it. After all, the movie features planes navigating falling skyscrapers (why don’t you fly above the city?), cars bouncing out of crashing 747’s onto ice sheets and, of course, impossibly large tidal waves. It’s going to be ridiculous. It could be fun, but it’s going to be ridiculous.

So, in lieu of 2012’s Best Picture nomination (ten films are being nominated this year, and there haven’t been that many good movies, people), I thought it was about time to look back at Roland Emmerich’s best and worst movies – in other words, his entire career (ignoring his 1980’s films which most people have, just like me, thankfully not seen). Here we go – the best and worst Roland Emmerich movies, not counting the movies no one’s seen:

The Good

1. Independence Day
   It’s hard not to like ID4. I mean, you’ve got aliens, you’ve got Will Smith and you have some of the most amazing city-flattening sequences in the history of cinema. To boot, the story’s not half bad, the screenplay more than good enough for this kind of movie. Sure, it has its overly goofy parts (Jeff Goldblum, cable repair guy, is able to program a virus in a matter of hours that wipes out the defenses of a far superior race), but Independence Day is loads of fun. While the special effects are just slightly starting to look dated, they still hold their own – and there’s something breathtaking about those shots of LA, New York and Washington, D.C. getting wiped off the face of the planet (bad combo of words: I’m now on the FBI’s watch list). Despite the utter death and destruction, the movie is ultimately one hell of a feel-good movie – and that’s why it’s my favorite, and the best, Roland Emmerich movie.
2. Stargate
   Coming in at a close second – and I was almost tempted to list this one above Independence Day – is the James Spader/Kurt Russell sci-fi action film Stargate. I never got into the subsequent TV shows, but the movie has a great, unique premise, one that combines modern military might with ancient Egyptian Gods – who have superior firepower. There’s just something about this picture that works, from the performances to the story to the exciting, “whatta’re you gonna do now, Ra-bitch!” ending.

The Mediocre

3. The Day After Tomorrow
   Some people love this movies, others hate it. I’m in the middle. It has some great visual effects and a chilling (bad pun alert!) story. It’s one of Jake Gyllenhaal’s first big movies, and it also has Emmy Rossum in it, whom I have a huge crush on. There are some really cool destruction sequences in the film as well, and the shots of a frozen New York are pretty impressive. This is the movie that The Happening should have been. That being said, it lacks the punch of Emmerich’s other, better movies; it isn’t as exciting, and the weather just is never that interesting of a villain.
4. The Patriot
   It’s been a while since I’ve seen this one, but that’s because The Patriot, which starred Mel Gibson and the late Heath Ledger, never really did it for me. It’s a decent enough movie, full of [rare] Revolutionary War battles and, of course, two of the more entertaining actors of our time. The problem is that war movies need to be of a certain caliber, and Roland Emmerich just doesn’t quite have the knack for injecting the necessary emotion to succeed in the genre. It’s not nearly as painful as John Woo’s Windtalkers, but the fact that I’m comparing them isn’t a good sign. The Patriot is fine, but is it Glory? No. Not at all.
5. Universal Soldier
   Emmerich’s first big movie, this action thriller starred Jean Claude Van-Damme (JCVD!) as a genetically engineered soldier who goes AWOL. The movie’s pretty mindless, but it still holds up pretty well given it’s silly story and lead actor. For people who scratch their heads and wonder how Van-Damme was ever a leading man, Universal Soldier is the perfect example of one of those late 80’s, early 90’s action movies that were ridiculous and over-the-top, but worked nonetheless for whatever reason.

The Bad (and the Ugly)

6. 10,000 B.C.
   I actually didn’t hate 10,000 B.C., but I know I should. This movie, which, like Year One, blends Egyptian lore with cavemen antics (and woolly mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers!), has enough action and adventure to satisfy people looking for… well, action and adventure. But its lack of compelling characters and the fact that it feels a lot like Stargate only without the really cool elements hurts it tremendously. Others, who hated it more, will just say that 10,000 B.C. is incredibly stupid.
7. Godzilla
   Now, for a film truly hated around the globe, we present Godzilla. Yes, remember that big-budget action-destruction film set in New York that starred an obvious choice in Matthew Broderick? Roland Emmerich made that one, and boy did it suck. Sure, it had some decent destruction scenes, but I remember thinking two things: 1) why is Matthew Broderick in this? and 2) why do I feel bad for Godzilla? I blame Emmerich. Damn you, Emmerich, damn you! Why did you make me feel sympathetic toward Godzilla (or: Gojilla)! Damn you! The movie trailers were awesome, but that is where the good stuff ended.

Wow. Roland Emmerich really hasn’t done that many movies. Then again, I’d be exhausted destroying the world that many times (and yes, I realize now that I’ve written this that he’s only focused on death and destruction three times in his career).

What do you think? What are your favorite Roland Emmerich movies?

And in 2008, just like any year, there were a fair amount of movies that allowed me to play mean. At the same time, 2008 marks a continuing improvement on my part to avoid the movies I know are bad. One summer, way back when I was in high school, I went and saw just about every movie that came out – in theaters, no less – even if I knew they were going to be horrible. I was obsessed. I even backtracked to 1995 to see just about anything that had been released, just so that my database could be complete. When I could have been watching the classics of the century, I was instead watching some crappy movie from ‘97 that I knew was going to be bad.

One should not pay too close attention to reviews, because everyone has their own tastes and the more movies a critic watches, the more cynical he or she becomes. Nevertheless, there are movies that you don’t need a critic to tell you that they’re going to suck. And those are the movies I’m starting to weed out of my obsession, so I can focus on other important things, like my day job, friends, family and perhaps finding a girlfriend one of these days.

In 2008, I turned my back on the spoof movies that have proven time and time again to be the worst movies of whatever year they’re released in. And by spoof movies, I mean the likes of Meet the Spartans and Epic Movie. Having watched the latest Saw flick, I also vowed to never watch another one – though we’ll see if that holds when Lionsgate sends me Saw 6 on DVD late this year.

Nevertheless, this long-winded intro is meant to say one thing: Worst Movie lists are always challenging, because one can’t possibly – and shouldn’t – see every bad movie in a year. Just because Meet the Spartans isn’t on the list doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be – it just means that I, using sound judgment, decided to ignore its existence.

So, without further ado, here are the top ten worst movies of 2008:

1. The Happening
   This M. Night Shyalaman movie was on my anticipated list coming into the year, as I figured the man who brought us The Sixth Sense had learned from his mistakes with the horrific Lady in the Water and would do something a little more sensible to win back some trust. Instead, The Happening is one of the most embarrassing, unintentionally funny movies I’ve ever seen. Wooden, cringe-inducing acting by otherwise talented people, an inept screenplay that has its characters somehow outrunning the wind most of the time and just one bad scene after another make this the perfect storm for a disaster.
2. The Love Guru
   To show just how bad The Happening is, it’s sad when The Love Guru is only the second worst movie of 2008. This Mike Meyers comedy is, unlike The Happening, not funny at all. In fact, it’s embarrassingly painful as Meyers desperately pulls out everything from his gag book to throw at the audience, in hopes that something sticks. Unfortunately, nothing does. Offensive, but not in a good way, and just downright stupid the rest of the time, the movie even fails to make Justin Timberlake funny.
3. George A. Romero’s Diary of the Dead
   There was a time when the name George A. Romero would evoke excitement in ancticipation of his next zombie film. That was a long time ago. The father of zombie pictures is now trying to cling to the past, but producing low-budget zombie films is not going to do it. In the day and age where 28 Days Later and the remake of Dawn of the Dead amp up the excitement and quality of the genre, doing a film with a Cloverfield-esque handheld camera gimmick is going in the wrong direction. The movie is boring, horribly acted and just downright painful; Romero should consider stopping before he ruins what is left of his reputation.
4. College Road Trip
   Martin Lawrence isn’t funny. He never was and never will be. The only time he’s tolerable is when he’s standing side by side with Will Smith for a Bad Boys movie, but that’s simply because Smith is so good that it’s easy to ignore everyone else. Even fans of Lawrence will be scratching their heads with this G-rated Disney movie, however. With a title like College Road Trip, one would expect an R-rated comedy full of sex and nudity, but instead, it’s filled with bad jokes, absurd situations and terrible acting. Sure, I’m clearly not in the target audience, but who is? The movie is made for five-year olds, but what five-year old cares about a college road trip? This project was doomed from the beginning, and it’s amazing it ever was released to theaters in the first place.
5. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
   This list wouldn’t be complete without a Uwe Boll movie, so here it is! The movie is actually watchable and features a halfway decent cast led by Jason Statham, but of course “watchable” is a relative term when talking about movies produced by the German God of Shit. For better or for worse, Boll blatantly rips off successful movies like Lord of the Rings to accomplish his storytelling; the good news is that the movie looks better than his other films; the bad news is that it still pales in comparison to better, less-cheesy fantasy tales.
6. What Happens in Vegas
   This Asthon Kutcher/Cameron Diaz romantic comedy shouldn’t be on this list. It is, after all, a romantic comedy, and even bad romantic comedies usually aren’t that bad. But What Happens in Vegas is so dumb, absurd and mean-spirited that it does seem only fitting to proclaim it as one of the worst movies of 2008. I’m still unclear as to how two people could be so cruel to one another, and then conveniently fall in love for the sake of giving the movie a happy ending.
7. Saw V
   I’ve always hated the Saw movies, but as long as they keep making money, they’ll continue being released in theaters. Sadly, whereas the franchise picked up a bit around Saw 3 and Saw 4, Saw 5 sees the franchise drop off a cliff. With the killer Jigsaw long dead, the movies now rely on flashbacks and trickery to deliver an hour and a half of “entertainment.” The suspense and any originality the franchise once had has long been crushed in order to make a quick and easy buck. The studio exec at Lionsgate who is greenlighting these films should be awarded for his or her business savvy, but there is a special place in Hell waiting.
8. Miracle at St. Anna
   If this is Spike Lee’s response to the “racially ignorant” Clint Eastwood war movies, I smell hipocripsy in the air. Beyond being boring, poorly edited and terribly written, Miracle at St. Anna is embarrassingly stereotypical toward its characters. The black leads are shallow and fit exactly into the African-American mold that Mr. Lee should be trying to break, and it’s sad to think that the director – who is a talented individual – is wasting away in his own bitterness.
9. Prom Night
   This horror movie remake had promise: put a bunch of horny girls in prom dresses in a hotel, have them do scandalous things, and then let them get murdered one by one. It’s not that hard. And yet director Nelson McCormick somehow botched things up anyway, delivering a boring PG-13-rated horror flick with minimal skin, gore or even murders.
10. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
    The second Mummy movie was terrible on many levels, but at least it knew what it was and stuck to its guns. This third movie, with a new director and villain but the same hero, played by Brendan Fraser, had promise, as it looked like it might be a little more grounded, but instead proved to be bad on so many levels. It wasn’t clear who the main character was, Jet Li was masked by special effects most of the time and the picture lacked the energy the small franchise once had. When the Yetis show up and start doing football moves, though, that’s when you know the filmmakers had no clue what they were doing.

1. The Love Guru
   There’s no real question as to which movie would top this list. Mike Myer’s attempt at humor was just as unfunny as the previews suggested. The movie is offensive on many levels and the screenplay is as bad as it gets. Mike Myers himself is downright terrible, using silly accents to no effect other than to show that he should never fake an accent ever again. Don’t make my mistake and watch this out of curiosity – it really is that bad.
2. College Road Trip
   I’ve never liked Martin Lawrence, but put him in a G-rated Disney film called College Road Trip and you’re asking for trouble. This road trip film features equally bad performances by Lawrence and co-star Raven-Symoné, but the screenplay and story is embarassing.
3. Meet Dave
   Eddie Murphy continues his decline by starring in yet another sci-fi comedy, this time one where he himself plays a spacecraft controlled by mini-people, helmed by a captain who is also played by Murphy. The movie has a few physical comedy laughs as Murphy’s attempts to act human work at times, but the screenplay is so dismal that it’s hard to get through it. The stereotypical characters are offensive, too.
4. Superhero Movie
   It wouldn’t be right to not include one of the “XXXXX Movies” on this list. From the people that brought us Date Movie and Epic Movie comes yet another disaster, using the same formula that fails every time. This one isn’t as bad as Date Movie, easily one of the worst films of all time, but it still sucks big time. I decided to skip Disaster Movie.
5. Semi-Pro
   This one looked like money. Will Ferrell plays an idiot basketball player in the 1970’s; it’s like Anchorman with sports. Strangely, the movie flopped in theaters despite some funny trailers and clever Superbowl spots – it seems like audiences somehow knew this one was a stinker without ever going to actually see it. Easily one of the biggest comedic disappointments of the year, Semi-Pro is utterly unfunny at times, for no apparent reason. This is the worst Will Ferrell movie in years, if not ever.
6. Mad Money
   This woman’s empowerment movie wanted to be the next Thelma & Louise, but basically served as a platform for Katie Holmes, Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah to embarass themselves. The heist movie is terribly unfunny and not even the slightest bit enjoyable.
7. What Happens in Vegas
   What a surprise… Ashton Kutcher is on the list. Kutcher and Cameron Diaz play two unlikable people in this comedy that rarely works. After they are accidentally married during a night of heavy drinking, the two are forced to live together to lay claim to a $1 million slot winning. They spend the rest of the movie trying to piss the other one off, and then, of course, discover they actually love each other.
8. Son of Rambow
   This comedy-drama has been showing up on some Top Ten lists, which is pretty amazing because this is one of the most boring movies I’ve seen in a long time. I was really excited to see this film about a sheltered boy who, after seeing a Rambo film, sets out to make his own version, but it is just drawn out, dull and uninteresting. All of the funny parts are in the previews, and that’s not a good thing.
9. The Happening
   This is a comedy, right? No? Well, it sure was funny… just not intentionally.

Now view the best comedies of 2008.